Portable Proboscis

I lingered in bed too long yesterday morning. It was a late night of sushi and wine and I wanted a few extra winks to help me recover. Somehow I drew the attention of the kids and eventually I had 3 pairs of icy feet under the covers with me. Well, one wiggle led to another and within a few minutes there was a full-blown wrestling match on my bed. I am accustomed to receiving at least one unintentional blow to a certain sensitive area during these occasions (Aaron calls them the “daddy apples”), so I was intent on defending that part of my body. I may have even had my eyes closed in a foolish attempt to rest, but I definitely did not see the back of Aaron’s head flying toward my unprotected face.

I realized that my nose was crooked sometime during high school. I don’t know the exact cause. Could have been from football, a fight, or any one of thousands of games of “grab ass” (as my dad used to call it). Heck, it could have been the day my front teeth were knocked in and I just never noticed the nose. But something at some point happened to cause me to have more nose on the right side of my face than the left.

When Aaron’s head hit me hard on the right side of my nose there was a sickening crack, and the pain was intense. I groaned and writhed for a few minutes while Aaron apologized profusely and probably wondered if he should run. It didn’t bleed, which seemed to be a good sign. I lay there for awhile longer feeling miserable until my wife brought me an ice pack. When I finally worked up the nerve to get up and look in the mirror… my nose was straight.

It didn’t really swell any, but it still hurts like a mother and now I breathe with a slight whistle, which is real annoying. Hopefully when the tenderness dies down I’ll be able to give it a good blow to clear that whistle up. It sure could have been a lot worse. All things considered, I didn’t mind the nose being crooked all that much.